Tuesday, April 9, 2019

A Glimpse of Vanilla

Hello, my friends.  I'm back!! A lot has happened over the past year (thus the very sporadic posting). I've written and released a novel and a children's book. I'm currently writing a second novel and have another children's book in the final stages of illustration and editing. There have also been a lot of personal mountains to climb, which I will address in future posts. But in my first post back I have something slightly more scandalous on my mind.  Here is your warning; things are about get hilariously hot and spicy. So if you are easily embarrassed or don't want to laugh out loud in the office, stop reading now!

 I like peppermint ice cream. I love peppermint ice cream smothered in hot fudge, with whipped cream and a cherry on top. And hell yes, I want sprinkles too!! The more whipped cream, hot fudge, cherries and sprinkles the better. I'll sit down and devour every sinful bite, savoring each lick of the spoon. Yes, I love me a good sundae.
But there are days when all I want is a good, old fashioned vanilla cone. Just one scoop of vanilla on a plain Jane sugar cone. No, I don't want a waffle cone. No, I don't want to mess with sprinkles. No, I don't want a second scoop of your hand made horchata cinnamon flavor. Yes, I know that there are 3.5 million flavor combinations available. But damn it, I just want a simple, no fuss no muss, vanilla ice cream cone.
I'm like this with a lot of things. Some days I just want a plain sugar cookie or a good old fashioned, plain McDonald's cheeseburger. Sometimes I want to wear my old comfortable tennis shoes with my most comfortable pair of worn out jeans. And sometimes I like plain, vanilla, no frills sex! There I said it. Yes, I know toys are fun. Swinging from the ceiling in chains and leather is exciting. But some days I don't want the hassle. Some days I'm tired. Some days, I want comfort above adventure. And hell some days I just want to close my eyes , think of the Queen and get it over with (and I'm not even British).
I feel like as a culture we have decided that everything in life needs to be a unique and exciting experience. We even want our coffee to be a unicorn (looking at you Starbucks Unicorn Frap).
Every single day has to be a holiday and every holiday has to be an over the top celebration. When I was a kid we wore green on St Patrick's day and ate corned beef. That's it. There were no leprechaun traps, green milk covered lucky charm or piles of golden chocolate coins to be found at the end of a glitter dusted rainbow. You wore green so that you didn't get pinched and maybe, if you were lucky, colored a four leaf clover, color by number worksheet at school. Then you went home. The End. Mom was not up until four in the morning hanging rainbows, setting leprechaun traps or coloring your milk green. And that was okay because you enjoyed not getting pinched and color by number worksheets. But I digress.
I am blessed to run an online group for women where we talk about sex and all kinds of scandalous things. The group was started by a dear friend, Emily Dixon, after she wrote a revolutionary book Scandalous:Things Good Christian Girls Don't Talk About -But Probably Should (you can find the book here). If you are a woman and want an incredible, supportive group of hundreds of women you should check us out on Facebook (sorry guys this is a women only group). However, the group can get pretty Scandalous at times. So be forewarned. I bring this up because I am fortunate enough to interact with hundred's of women on a daily basis. And I have noticed that plain Jane vanilla sex is no longer regarded as okay. Every sexual encounter is supposed to be a combination of the Karma Suture and a porn movie.
I was lucky enough to be the mother of young children before this was a thing. I mean sure my husband and I had some exciting sex. But we didn't have a fully outfitted BDSM dungeon in our basement.  I didn't have to worry about my anal beads and our babies amber teething beads getting mixed up (full disclosure: my kids didn't have teething beads either. Nope, it was good, old fashioned, BPA loaded plastic teething rings for them). I wasn't rushing to take down the sex swing to hang the Johnny Jumper.
More than swinging from the ceiling, I remember falling into bed dead exhausted from a day of keeping those tiny human's alive and bathed.  We had sex (obviously we have 5 kids) and we even had some really good, hot and heavy, toys included sex. But we also enjoyed a lot of plain vanilla sex. Because that was all we had the energy for. Because sometimes it's about the comfort not the thrill.  Sometimes you are just in the mood to have a quick vanilla ice cream cone. And that is okay! It's normal. It's even healthy. Not everyday is Christmas, that's what makes Christmas special.
Also, if you need help keeping those anal beads and the teething beads organized, this could be for you:
I'm here to help.  Much love, Kristine

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