Sunday, June 28, 2015

A Glimpse of Becoming

Becoming: noun
1. the process of coming to be something or of passing into a state.
as defined by Google

It's no secret that the pass few years have been a time of great change and growth for me.  For so long I tried to suppress my true personality so that I could be what I had been taught was a Godly woman: aka spineless, meek, submissive, subordinate, less than, get the point.
The problem was I could never fully beat down who I was and I felt like a failure as a woman and as a Christian.  I remember when I was fifteen years old, one of our family friends called me a feminist (the ULTIMATE insult in the circles my family traveled at the time).  I spent years trying to defend myself against that accusation; though inside I wondered why women shouldn't have equal rights to men in and out of the church.

Fast forward to today, I proclaim loudly and defiantly: I AM a feminist.  I believe firmly, unequivocally women as equal to men in every way.  But I'm jumping ahead of myself.
So much of who I am has evolved over the past two years I felt I should write out where I now stand.  Since this is my blog, the place I express myself most freely, I decided to write my updated statement of beliefs and principals to live by here.

The amazing thing about this process is that I have become my true self, the self I always was trying to beat down before.  This process has been painful and scary at times.  I have lost friends, pissed off relatives but honestly, it has been worth every single tear and frustrated scream.  I am me, I like me, I am satisfied with who I am for the first time in my life.
Does this mean that I will never change again? Absolutely not!  I pray I continue to become.  I want to embrace all that life has to offer me.

1.  I believe in God the Father, Almighty, Maker of heaven and earth: And in Jesus Christ, his only begotten Son, our Lord: Who was conceived by the Holy Ghost, born of the Virgin Mary: Suffered under Pontius Pilate; was crucified, dead and buried: He descended into hell:
 The third day he rose again from the dead: He ascended into heaven, and sits at the right hand of God the Father Almighty: From thence he shall come to judge the quick and the dead:
 I believe in the Holy Ghost:the communion of saints: The forgiveness of sins: The resurrection of the body: And the life everlasting.

2.I'm officially done with ultra conservative, right wing loving, militant "Christian Church". After 35 years I'm completely done. I'm done with a church that would rather condemn people who are not of their faith for "sin" and yet continually ignores the huge moral lapses in her own midst. I'm sick of homosexuals being condemned and hated, while pastors are screwing their own congregants, while women are treated like third class citizens, while the good people of the church gossip and tear down anyone they don't like in their midst. I'm done. I want to raze the current church to the ground. I will not set foot in another such church again. I'm over it and I'm over you if you are promoting that kind of hateful hypocrisy. Once the CHURCH gets the FOREST out of their own eyes, then we can start judging non-Christians for their splinters.

3.  I believe women were created in the image of God just as much as men.  I will never again feel guilty for having the body God gave me.  I refuse to accept that my body is somehow responsible for someone else's sin or temptation.  I am responsible for my own actions; others are responsible for their actions.  I will never again dress down or hide for another's convenience.

4.  I believe women are designed to be strong, effective leaders,  I will never again submit blindly to a man simply because of his position or his gender.  I do not believe having a vagina makes me one iota less capable of leading or decision making.

5. I will raise my children to understand sex and consent.  I will not hide behind ridiculous abstinence teachings to avoid having the hard conversations about responsible sexual behavior.  My boys will understand that no means no.  My boys will enter this world prepared to date in a respectful manner and they will be raised to expect the same respect from their partner.

6. I believe that art in all it's forms was created to inspire us to be more, to appreciate beauty in everything, even things that are normally viewed as ugly.  I believe art is one of God's greatest gifts to us.  I believe that it is essential in today's technology and data driven age that we teach our children to value all forms of art: written, musical, drawn, spoken, painted, portrayed on stage, the list goes on and on.

7.  I like who I am.  I really don't care if others don't like me.  Part of becoming is letting go of the things and people that hold you back.  Love me or hate me, either way I will use your input to continue on my path.  This may sound arrogant but in reality it is simply being true to who I am.

I was going to make a list of ten things because it's the thing to do but honestly these seven items are all I had to say.  I'm okay with that.  I've never been very good at conforming. ;)
I need to thank my husband.  He has been so instrumental in this journey.  He has encouraged me to continue to grow, to continue to become; even on the days when my becoming looked like me ranting or crying or simply sitting, thinking.  He is ever my cheerleader, encourager and friend.  I truly appreciate and love you, Usarian.

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