My husband has often described our very different natures like this "Kristine is like an anchor, sunk in the bottom of the Marianas Trench, buried deep and sunk in concrete. I (Hubby) am a kite whose string is tied to that anchor. I can blow whichever way the winds blow me but once I come to the end of my string, I ain't moving that anchor."
It is a good mental image of both our personalities. I am not a follower or a joiner. I don't jump on every passing bandwagon. I can lead but I don't have a need to. I am very much like a barnacle crusted anchor, at the bottom of the sea; a solid, solitary fixture that is unmoved by the changing of the tides or the swells of the storm. Many passing ships tie themselves to my crown when the storms of life are swirling viciously around them. I don't mind, it's what I'm there for.
The kite, however, is unlike all the ships that come through needing the temporary stability the anchor provides. Those ships untie and move on to other ports and destinations once the storms pass. I don't mind at all. I am always happy to see the exciting places the ships end up. The kite however stays tied to the anchor. The kite wants the anchor to come out of the trench every once in a while and fly to new places and experiences; to share the kites joy at all the cool new things he can see from his view way up high, to weep with, not just for the kite, when storms come and lightning strikes. This is the brokenness I brought into our relationship. This is the way my husband has had to accommodate me through the years.
The very quality that makes me a bastion in a storm, is the same quality that makes me solitary, independent and intractable at times.
I have written extensively on how Asperger's has affected our marriage. You can read all about it here http://www.glimpsesofskiff.com/2011/08/so-i-married-aspie.html, and here http://www.glimpsesofskiff.com/2011/08/so-i-married-aspie-part-deux.html, and here http://www.glimpsesofskiff.com/2011/09/so-i-married-aspie-part-3.html, and here http://www.glimpsesofskiff.com/2011/09/so-i-married-as-aspie-part-cuatro.html. Yes, it is a four parter. Yes, of course, it is wonderful, fantastic and worth every precious moment you'll spend reading it. You'll laugh, you'll cry, it'll move you ;) (okay blatant self promotion now over;)
I have not written about how independent nature has affected our marriage. Independent is really too mild a word for it. Honestly, I don't know how to need someone. Please don't read that wrong. I know how to love people, I am a fabulous friend because I will be there with you through thick and thin and I really will love doing it. However, I honestly have no idea how to depend on someone when the storms of life come my way. In a marriage this is a real problem. Marriage is two lives becoming one, two hearts becoming intertwined, two people mutually dependent on each other, supporting and loving one another through it all. What happens when one person has no idea how to accept support from the other? It is devastating to the relationship.
I learned early on in my life to be strong. I learned early on how to carry others and be responsible. I learned early on how to continue to stand through turmoil. I never learned how to lean on someone else, I never learned to just trust. These are the lessons I am struggling to learn now. This is my newest journey. This anchor needs to learn how to fly a little.
Personally, I don't know how you do it. I'm not sure either, what exactly it is that you're talking about here...but if you need help, advice, a break...whatever....ask for it. Get it. Do it for "you". (((Hugs)))
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