My Fundraising Policy

  I feel it coming in my bones, the same way arthritic joints feel the coming of a storm, and I start to prepare myself.  Once it hits, it hits hard and hangs around for almost a month.  But I am strong, it has not defeated me yet.  I anchor fast my checkbook, tether my debit card to my wallet and wait.  Then it hits with a fury, five boys come barreling into the house waving big packets, feverishly talking over each other, their  darting eyes glassy ,as if they have been drugged. It is here, Fundraiser Season.

I refuse to participate in school /extra curricular fundraisers.   I know this makes me a terrible, uninvolved parent but as a good friend of mine says, sorry I have a policy on this.  Today I will give you the top five reasons that I will not sell crap or solicit pledges or jump through flaming hoops.

1) I have five children.  That means all my friends and relatives are getting hit up not once, not twice, not three or four times, but FIVE times.  This crosses the line from manipulative fundraising to racketeering.  I'm not willing to risk a conviction under RICO.

2) After every fundraiser pep rally, I have to deprogram my children, like they were in a cult.  They come home looking like they are on crack, raving about the free TV, or new bike, or million dollars they are going to "win" if they only sell $12,000 dollars worth of crap or get 150 pledges or jump rope 6,500 times.  After all, these are totally achievable goals for your average eight year old.  Ri-ight.

3) I did not send my children to school to be turned into Flim-Flam-Men.  I will support my boys in whatever legit career they so choose.  Hitting up friends and relatives for money are the skills needed to be jobless and living in mom's basement, playing video games, at 25 years old.  Since I don't have a basement, my boys are in need of a different skills set.

4) I will not be manipulated or guilt-ed into anything.  These fundraising programs work by manipulating children with unachievable prizes and loud rhetoric and/or guilting parents into spending time and money they don't necessarily have.   Let's be honest here, it isn't the kids that are doing most of the "work" involved in raising this support.  They can't sell at school and it is dangerous for them to go door to door.  This is just a way to rope mom or dad into becoming a biannual sales rep without having to pay them.

5) I do believe in supporting things that I feel are important.  If you want my support just ask me and
I will write you a check.  This saves us all a whole lot of frustration.