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I am the crazy mom of five boys.  Four of my five boys are on the autism spectrum. Neuro-Diversity rocks!!!  I cook, I clean, I blog, I breathe.  Yup that is about it.  If you want to catch a glimpse of our crazy world you are more than welcome but don't say I didn't warn you.

Sunday, March 18, 2012

A Glimpse of Running Away

I remember when I was about seven years old ,I ran away from home. It was a warm, sunny day at our tiny cabin in West Virginia. My siblings and I were industrious, busy bees doing spring cleaning. I was so excited because I had been chosen to spray the Woolite carpet cleaner on the carpet of our family van. I waited eagerly for the time when I got to spray that magical foam all over (I know the excitement would have been to much for you too;) I went for a short walk because I had been told to wait a few minutes. When I returned home I found my opportunist sister had swooped in and stolen my Woolite opportunity. The whole interior of the van was sprayed and gloriously foamy. I was furious with my parents. How dare they?!? I was the one they had promised that job to but they obviously loved my sister more than me. So I jumped on my pink bike with its white wicker basket and headed for parts unknown. It turned out parts unknown were well known to my father. He found me an hour or so later, crying and dejected, sitting barefoot on my bike (for future reference peddling barefoot is uncomfortable) at the pond a quarter mile from our house. He hugged me, loaded me into the car, and brought me home. That night he taught me how to make fried chicken in the kitchen of our tiny, two room cabin in the woods of West Virginia. To this day that evening is one of my favorite childhood memories and cooking with my Dad is still one of my favorite things in the world to do (and I can make some mean fried chicken;).
This past Thursday I desperately wanted to run away again. It was a day from hell, and I mean the actual hell. The catalyst for my break down was the fact I forgot to eat all day. Since I am borderline hypoglycemic, I have to eat or I get a little crazy. However, although the catalyst, my lack of daily nourishment was not the reason for my breakdown. To be honest there were several "reasons" but when you boil them all down they came down to the fact that I am human and not Wonder Woman. Sometimes I forget this. I push on through life, trying to carry burdens for all those that depend on me, ignoring the bruises that life sometimes deals, trying to navigate the stressful white waters of our lives. Then one day that one extra straw falls on this camels back and I break down under the strain of it all. I want to take my bruised, battered self and run away for parts unknown so that I can lick my wounds. I want some one to come and find me, hug me and make me feel special all over again. I long to be that seven year old girl for just a little while.
It is in days like these that God gently reminds me that these burdens were never mine to carry, that I need to abide in Him and He will abide in me, that I am loved and important and protected. On these days God tenderly hits the reset button of my soul and tenderly refocuses my eyes on Him (where they should have been all along). He soothes the troubled waters of my heart, cleans and heals my bruised soul.
I never did run away Thursday but the good news is that I didn’t need to. God is so faithful to me in my times of greatest need. He met my needs right here in the midst of my chaos.
Friends, I don’t know if any of you were falling apart this week, carrying the weight of burdens that you were never meant to carry. If you ,like me, find yourself wanting to run away I encourage you instead to run to Him. God can soothe your troubled waters and heal you’re battered soul so much better than anything else can. I am praying for a better week this week. A week where I keep my focus on him instead of the craziness of life around me. I pray the same for you. Lots of love- Kristine
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